Snape's Introspection

First Published in Enheduanna: A Pagan Literary Journal, Volume 3, 2018, pp., 50-51.

Response to “In Noctem” and the cut scene in which it is used from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince film. The sound track should be played when reading aloud the poem, completing the reading by the end of the song.
     *Times indicated are seconds on soundtrack
 
The utter despair.
The absolute knowledge of what is to come.
 
Not seeing a way out,
 
Not seeing the light that is around.
 
(Pause. Begin again 0:21*)
 
Angst is little comfort.
Hate was my constant.
Disdain my sleeve.
Scowl my outlook,
as I walked into the shadow.
 
(Pause. Begin again 0:36)
 
How did it come to this?  
 
(Pause. Begin again 0:41)
 
I was careful.
I was strong.
I was closed to the dark impulses.
Yet I agreed,
to take on what needed to be done.
 
(Begin as music arrives at 0:48)
 
To do what no other could.
To out pawn the pawn master.
To master the manipulator.
To show him the wrong of his way
in the final moment of his defeat
 
(Pause. Begin again 1:00)
 
Even after my body is cold.
Was it all worth it?
(Pause. Begin again 1:05)
Will the memory of Lily live on?
 
I can walk away.
 
(Pause. Begin again as verses begin duo coupling at 1:11)
 
The clouds form and there is time
as the shadow passes.
It’s not too late to leave in an instant.
 
But why have I stalled?
Why I have I forsaken myself?
 
(Pause. Begin again 1:23)
 
What is love?
This thing I could never purge…
 
(Pause. Begin again 1:28)
 
even with the darkest acts
 
(Pause. Begin again 1:38)
 
I know... 
 
I know what it is…
 
(To be finished as the second half of the last “Never will forget” begins at 1:45)
 
It is…death.
 
 
References
Học viện HogwartsV. “In Noctem (Into the Darkness)-Hogwarts Choir-Half Blood Prince Deleted Scenes.” Youtube, 24 July, 2016, https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9By0u8CoV0.
Hooper, Nicholas. “In Noctem.” Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack). New Line Records, 2009.